Quarantina: Letting Go of Control

Quarantina: Letting Go of Control

Although it’s easy to believe that more control in life will bring you happiness, its not really the case. I think attempting to have control will end up bringing you more unhappiness and disappointment.

If only control was more simple. Control comes in a variety of ways, one of which is pessimistic attitude and beliefs. Have you ever thought like this? I am victim to expecting the worse so I don’t get my hopes up. A negative mindset is an attempt to prevent disappointment; yet, most people only end up hurting themselves.

Disappointment is apart of life. We learn from it. We grow from it. It’s the “uncomfortable-ness” of disappointment that helps us grow.

Buddhism teachings say desire is the root of all suffering. Basically, this means that when we want something we don’t have we have desire, and when we don’t get what we want, we experience suffering, this lack of control.

I’ve learned that as I have tried to control my skin, I end up taking more steps back. My battle with acne has trained me to always think about the future. I used to be desperate for control over my skin. I used to constantly live in fear about my acne and what people thought of me. I was so concerned with everything I couldn’t control and this only ended up making my skin worse and was proven detrimental to my mental health.

Once I let my skin run its course and do its worse I noticed a change in myself. I stopped worrying as much about what others thought about me. I wasn’t as controlling over my space. I wasn’t as compulsive. I became a better friend and roommate. I was able to put other’s feelings before my own.

So is the only solution to letting go accepting lack of control? Is contentment only available by ” live and let live? ” I don’t think so. I think it’s normal to worry. It’s normal to have anxiety. We’re human, we are wired to be social so it’s in our genes to want to control our perception to others.

I believe the solution is to remind yourself to be present. Staying grounded is so subjective. Sometimes meditating works or it’s taking a walk outside. What works best for me is writing down what I am grateful for and something today that made me happy. Although this may seem simple, its something I overlook all the time, and creating this list reminds me to stay in the present moment.

Striving forward isn’t easy. Sometimes you need to take steps back to move even further towards your greatness. I feel that now I am letting go. I am making small strides to take care of myself and being present. Lately, I have been experiencing emotions and thoughts that take me back to a time when I was in a more negative mental and physical space and I’ve learned that it’s ok. Since I have been letting go of my control I am working on parts of myself I never knew were holding me back. Walking towards a dark place is hard. Remind yourself to live in the present and what is meant to be, will be and I promise this will contribute to more happiness for you!

Quarantina: Thoughts of Reflection

Quarantina: Thoughts of Reflection

Being honest is not always easy. But being honest with yourself, well that can be even harder! Lately I have been reflecting on my life this past year and the decisions I have made: both good and bad. Of course, I make mistakes and I have regrets, but is there an easy way to forget about it and move on? It doesn’t feel like it right now, but I know with time it will be easier.

As we all sit at home, in hopes to flatten the curve, I have noticed this disruption to my routine has surfaced emotions I have withheld for months. Taking care of our mental health now is essential. The additional uncertainty and stress of this global outbreak has made me reflect and I have asked myself a question: do I want to go back to the normalcy I had before the pandemic or do I want to make a positive change in the right direction? Was my life even in the right direction before? This has made me take a deep look inward and be honest with myself.

I have been struggling with this time at homeā€”and that’s ok. Around the world is currently in this state too. This is an unprecedented time for us all and it’s ok to not be ok. I have found this time to not just be physically challenging, but emotionally.

I have been on a long emotional journey since the end of 2018, with significant events in my personal life to my accutane journey, I am finally sitting with it all, here in April 2020. I question some of my decisions, and even regret some of them. But, I have realized I needed to make these mistakes to grow, to become more aware, to become the person I am supposed to be.

Through our experiences we are able to learn and figure out who we are and what’s important to us. Although I may cringe at the thought of some (alright a lot) of my past experiences, I know I had to have them in order to realize what I now know.

So if you are also reflecting, cringing, and realizing, you’re not alone. We’re human. We’re given the beauty of life; yet, what is live without learning through living?